Cosmopolitan Magazine - Slop Secrets of the Gods

Another in our proud series of ridiculously legitimate sex moves designed to ensnare your man in your gooey web.

10 Top Raunchy Moves to Blow Your Man's Top

1	Sex Volcano This sexy move is best kept as a surprise, to maximize it's erogenous effects. When working the ol' yogurt pole with your mouth, moments before your man blasts your throat, take one or two jalapeno seeds that you've been hiding and press them gently into his dickhole with your thumb. His orgasm will be like a elementary school volcano science project!
2	Texas Style To start off with, give your man a special treat; tell him you're going to let him enter your puckery dumper. Here comes the fuck secret though: instead of your traditional water-based lube used for anal insertion, use southern style BBQ sauce. The smokey, hickory woodchip zest will send his boner over the moon with pleasure!
3	The School Lunch This sexy tip is applicable during missionary or doggy style sex with your man. Tell him you have to get ready for him to enter you, and instead of applying lube to his jimmy, run a bead of peanut butter up the top side, and sprinkle it with raisins. Like a sexy ants on a log! Go thrust-crazy from there!
4	Oh Captain, My Captain Sometime, when your man is relaxing at home, and least expecting it, excuse yourself from his presence only to return fully nude. The sight of your body and the unexpectedness of it will begin to make him very aroused. Now for the fun part; when he's blindsided by your voluptuous tits, punch him square in the face and exclaim: "do not gaze upon your captain with your disgusting lustful eyes!". This titillating game of sadism is sure to leave him begging for more!
5	Tiny Nibbles This is a fun one to try if you're into controlling your man a bit during sex. In the course of having sex with him, transition to riding him cowgirl style; work that juicy twat up and down to get him really fired up. As you sense him getting close to climax, spill a container of fire ants on his bare chest. The combination of sex, tiny bites and the endorphins to dull the pain will give him an amazing orgasm he's sure to never forget!
6	Your Name is Toby This one is a rare and pleasurable treat. In the midst of a sexy romp with your man, surprise him by revealing to him a newly acquired set of anal beads. Upon seeing his arousal at the exciting new bedroom prospect, tell him to watch as you use them. Then, surprise him further by taking the beads and lashing him in the balls with them, like a plastic whip! The extra sensations are sure to make him quiver and double-over with enjoyment!
7	Silky, Shiny, Sexy After a long day, invite your man to join you in the shower. After soaping up and cleaning each other up, tell him it's time to get dirty! Drop to your knees and begin choking the tubesteak down. Mid chomp-down, reach back and surprise him by inserting and squirting your bottle of Pantene Pro-V up his ass. He'll be making his own type of "suds" in no time!
8	The PBHJ Time for a bit of throwback pleasure! Tell your man that you want to reenact your first date and give him a handjob while you cry softly. Instead of using your tears as jerk lube though, use delicious and sensuous peanut butter. Extra chunky will blow his mind and exfoliate his cock!
9	Beef Curtains A hungry man is an attentive man; he'll do almost anything to get tasty food. Why not turn it into a fun game for him and a pleasurable game for you? Simple buy some sliced roast beef, and fold the slices into halves. Then, simply nestle these slices in between your vag lips. He'll root around like a savage trying to find the food he craves and will get a sexy surprise when he does!
10	Rumbleblumpkin Sexy treat ahoy! Simply wait for your man to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. Once you know he's dropping a heavy deuce in there, slip on in and start blowjobbing the hell out of him while he's in the act, all the while making rumbly tractor noises. The surprise and combination of concurrent sensory events will be sure to drive him wild! You can bet your ass he'll never think of crapping the same way again!

Cosmopolitan Magazine - Fuck Magic

In our never-ending quest to provide our readers a list of new, exciting, and never done before ways to please their man every single week, we now present this weeks HOT!!! new sexy list that's sure to keep your man putting up with your shit for a while longer.

10 Top Dirty, Sexy Moves Your Man Loves in Bed

1	Giving a Ham-mer Here's a top tip for when it's time for oral pleasure on your man. Prior to chugging it down, make a nice ham sandwich. Chew up a bite of that sandwich and keep it in your mouth, then begin the blowing. The ham chunks will drive his cock wild!
2	Happy Snapper While performing oral blowjobbing on your man, take a rubber band in one hand, and use the other hand to position that rubber band into a firing or snapping position. Repeatedly snap your man directly in his taint in this style. Let the release of potential energy push his release over the edge!
3	The Barber Shop While having sex, climb up and ride your man cowgirl style. While fucking his brains out, get a pair of scissors and begin trimming your pubes; letting the pubes rain down on his stomach. The thought of your commitment to hygiene and multitasking will make his cock harder than ever!
4	The Convection Oven Let your man take you missionary style. When he's up to his nuts, pull your knees up to your chest. Your man will think you're helping him get extra deep up in your crevice, but then surprise him by blowing a warm fart on his dangling balls. Guaranteed to drive him wild and fog up the windows with passion!
5	The Conquistador Let your man have sex with you in his favorite position. Really get into it, with moaning and letting him know he's really rippin' and tearin' it up. Then, as he nears his climax, let him know that the blanket you two are using is covered in the smallpox virus. Nothing fires up your man's sex drive more than either the thought of getting caught, or the thought of certain death!
6	The Pig in a Blanket With the warm summer months fast approaching, here's a summer treat you can give your man. After a long day at work, surprise your man with a handjob; but not just any ordinary handjob. First, place a slice of American cheese in the palm of your hand, and then proceed to tug him out. This makes for a creamy summer treat that he's sure to enjoy!
7	American's Sexiest Home Surprise Surprise your man during a planned evening of sex with a video camera. Film your hot and wild acts, and when done, surprise him with the tapes by duplicating them and leaving them at his place of work and with his friends and family. The idea of filming the action and watching it later with friends and strangers is a sexy gift that keeps on giving!
8	F-Bombs Few things will excite your man in the heat of the moment as much as a well-timed sexy comment reinforcing how well he's doing. To really turn up the heat, try a few of these sexy sayings: "Oh yeah baby! Your dick is so strong! Like retard-strength strong!" "Fuck me baby! Your cock feels amazing! Like a vine-ripened cucumber!" "You like that daddy? Yeah! I like it when you make my period late!" "Yeah, slap my ass! I love to explain away those sexy bruises you give me!" "Sex man! Na na na na na na na na na, sex man!"
9	Bejeweled It's a well-known fact that the way to any man's heart is through his stomach. It's also known that vajazzling is a sexy and legitimate means of seduction. Why not combine the two! Instead of using rhinestones for your vajazzle job, using bacon bits. It's a sexy and salty treat that's sure to keep him coming back for more!
10	The Pussy Bank Here's a sexy game you can play with your man! Light a few candles around the bedroom, and really set the intimate mood for the evening. As things start to heat up, tell your man that instead of sex, you want him to fill your lady-dew lined love-purse with all the loose change he can find. It's not only a fun and sexy game for you both, but it also helps you manage your finances!