Google Translate: Woman Self Descriptions

I'm Catholic

I will be pregnant the moment you so much as mention a penis

Everything happens for a reason

I'm a single mother

I'm a teacher

I'm desperate for you to fill me with your butter, so that I may have offspring of my own. Want to move in?

Curvy

Fat

BBW

Ridiculously fat

The first thing guy's notice about me is my eyes

I moonlight as a hot air balloon. Huge.

I have a lot to offer

I don't have a lot to offer. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone.

I'm new in town and looking for someone to show me around

I'm new in town and looking for someone to show me around using their wallet and dick

I love my ____ and wouldn't trade it for the world

I have a ___, and am daft to the point of borderline mental retardation

I'm down to earth and low maintenance

I'm full of crap

I like all (movies/music/television shows/books/foods)

I find opinions to be difficult, and as such, steer clear of them on all levels

I'm spontaneous

I live my life by the tenets outlined in The Jersey Shore

You only live once

I do anal

I'm a nanny for two beautiful children

I have no marketable skills outside of my mastery of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

I'm not good at describing myself

I can count to potato

I'm looking for someone that believes chivalry isn't dead

I'm looking for a man that will make love to me with a condom on without trying to finger my asshole