Google Translate: Woman Self Descriptions

I'm Catholic

I will be pregnant the moment you so much as mention a penis

Everything happens for a reason

I'm a single mother

I'm a teacher

I'm desperate for you to fill me with your butter, so that I may have offspring of my own. Want to move in?

Curvy

Fat

BBW

Ridiculously fat

The first thing guy's notice about me is my eyes

I moonlight as a hot air balloon. Huge.

I have a lot to offer

I don't have a lot to offer. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone.

I'm new in town and looking for someone to show me around

I'm new in town and looking for someone to show me around using their wallet and dick

I love my ____ and wouldn't trade it for the world

I have a ___, and am daft to the point of borderline mental retardation

I'm down to earth and low maintenance

I'm full of crap

I like all (movies/music/television shows/books/foods)

I find opinions to be difficult, and as such, steer clear of them on all levels

I'm spontaneous

I live my life by the tenets outlined in The Jersey Shore

You only live once

I do anal

I'm a nanny for two beautiful children

I have no marketable skills outside of my mastery of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

I'm not good at describing myself

I can count to potato

I'm looking for someone that believes chivalry isn't dead

I'm looking for a man that will make love to me with a condom on without trying to finger my asshole

Awfuldating.com

Slobbing_knobs

37 / Female / Single

About Me  Single mother of two beautiful kids. They mean the world to me! I'm a well-established career woman, but something is missing from my life; pole. It's been too long! I need your pole in or around my face! Contact me if you have a throbbing...

Princess_2_pamper

30 / Female / Single

About Me  I’M NEW TO ONLINE DATING AND AM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO SAY HERE. I'M LOOKING FOR A MAN THAT WILL TREAT ME RIGHT! TAKE ME OUT TO FANCY DINNERS, BUY ME EXPENSIVE PRESENTS, FUCK ME WITH A CONDOM ON, DRIVE ME AND MY KIDS TO...

WoW_L33t

27 / Male / Single

About Me  I'm a nice guy that won't hit you. I like quiet dinners and making fun memories together. Perhaps you're looking for someone like me, and if so I hope you've accepted the word of Jesus Christ. I can't date anyone that will be swimming in the lake of fire that awaits those...

Sexy_4U_34382

23 / Female / Single

About Me  Totally real...want sex...good at fucking...lol :)...contact me for sexxings...low price V!agra at http://www.chinapills.com/direct_cock_injection/deep_boner/...

Falsetits44

24 / Female / Single

About Me  I'm fun, outgoing and am looking for a partner in crime. I can be shy at first, but I open up quickly. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends. If you hurt them I'LL CUT YOU. I CARRY A BOX CUTTER IN MY PURSE EVEN THOUGH MY THERAPIST SAYS I SHOULDN'T ANYMORE! ARE YOU IGNORING ME NOW?! WHY WON'T YOU MESSAGE ME AFTER YOU...

Sensitive1

28 / Male / Single

About Me  What's up ladies! You should message me if you are fun, friendly and not a crazy bitch. The blast from my abs probably got you all moist, so for any of you bitches looking for a dinner followed by having me tar your vagina, hit up my cell at 619-7...

UrNewLuv

27 / Female / Single

About Me  I'm quite the catch, and only a true man can catch me. Most of you won't meet my bare minimum requirements. Sorry, I'm too good. I will emotionally neglect you and turn every problem into something that's your fault. Get used to it. I will emasculate you, and even request you wear a diaper to show how little your self-image means to...

Captain_Applebag

31 / Male / Single

About Me  You know you want it, and I know you want it. Sac length: 7.5". We never need to go out, as I have every movie on DVD already, so we can just stay in. I don't care what you look like as long as you let me dangle my berries on your face for a minimum of...

BBQ_saucy

28 / Female / Single

About Me  Ccccccchhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssbbbbbbbb
bbuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssss...

Love_me_love_me

51 / Female / Single

About Me  Someone please fuck me! I will be anything you want! I will give you money, just make the fuck happen! My credit card number is Visa 4573 9372....

The Timeless Art of Seduction

Taken from a free dating website

Reasons you should date her:

1. She loves to listen to rock musics AND eating good foods
2. If you're both at a party AND a person, she will have fun to you
3. She's very good at getting an 1/8th of an inch of a banana in her mouth

The prayers of men everywhere have been answered. Especially if your prayer was similar to "lord (insert specific god or goddess' name here), please send me a woman that can both titillate my fruits, as well as have fun to all my friends. If her interests could also include nondescript foods and generic modern music, that'd be just swell. And, lord, please also find it in your heart to make sure Jennifer's baby isn't mine; we both know how slutty she is *tee hee* *air hi-five*"

I would wager that she's literally having to fend men off with a stick due to the aforementioned qualities.