No-Nonsense Movie Review: The Dark Knight Rises

What a whiny fucking movie.

There I was, minding my own business in the crowded theater, in the seat next to the handicapped-accessible seat near the front row. This is a good spot because rarely do I see many circularly-enabled people wheeling into the movies, thus meaning no dickhead would sit next to me. For whatever reason, director Christopher Nolan decided to include a wheelie in this movie session however, just to throw a literal cog into my monkey-wrench. What transpired was the following:

Wheelie Bin

Can I have that seat there?

Me

Go right ahead, I'm not using it.

Wheelie Bin

Can you move to another seat for me?

Me

Why? That's the accessible seat, just sit there.

Wheelie Bin

Look, I'm handicapped, and like the space, so just do me this favor.

Me

What, so because you're in a wheelchair, the empty, reserved seat isn't enough for you? You need the whole row to yourself? You're not even fat, you can fit in the normal space. Just sit in the seat designated for you and be done with it.

Wheelie Bin

I hope you feel proud taking things away from handicapped people.

Me

The seats right there. Don't blame me for the loss of your legs, just because some chinaman took them from you in Korea.

At this point, wheelie bin angrily rolls off, and chooses, instead of in any theater seat at all, to sit in her wheelchair, in between a row of seats by herself. Since she clearly didn't want the seat made for her, I put my Raisinettes there instead.

I'm not sure what artistic point Christopher Nolan was trying to convey to the viewers with this particular scene, but it left me feeling awkward, that's for sure. Of course, so as to allude to things to come, this secret ending happened after the credits rolled:

Wheelie Bin

Thanks for taking my seat, asshole.

Me

You're still sitting in your seat.

I don't care if you did come to the movie dressed like this:

There's only so much special treatment you're going to get.


1 out of 5 stars