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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

How To Exit In California

The trick is to know several miles in advance that you need to exit at a specific place. And then, once literally on the threshold of that place, jerk the wheel to the right and pray for all the families involved in your genocide. It's an exact science.

Like a champion jackass, you see the solid line indicating that the exit lane is done forming, and has been committed to by others, and see it as a challenge to fit in regardless of the consequences. The fucktastic logic even applies to surface streets. Want to turn left, but are in the right-most lane 45 feet from your turn? Fear not, the solution is a mere 90 degree turn, and six insurance claims away from being a reality.

Driving in the wildly incorrect lane, and expecting all others to yield to our ill-thought-out whims is a God-given right of every American. If a bunch of hatchet-wielding men on horseback couldn't stop us from taking the land this four lane road is built on, what chance does you hatchetless car stand of stopping everyone from pilfering your lane? Exactly none.

It is easier to ask forgiveness (blame it on all the other motorists using the roads correctly) than it is to ask for permission (use your frontal lobe ahead of time).

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