Professional Brown Dwarf
Outer Solar System
__________'s Experience
Professional Brown Dwarf
Outer Solar System
March 2009-Current
Inter-office collection of gravitationally collapsed primordial gasses and dust. Too low in mass to sustain fusion. Not a client-facing position, but have people skills. Daily tasks consisted of leaking noxious lighter-than-air gasses into the surrounding environment, perturbing office resources with a gravitational-well, as well as ruining expensive equipment by tainting it with x-ray bursts emanating deep from within personal gas clouds.
From a leadership perspective, job duties consisted frightening coworkers into my defined standards and practices through fear of interfacing with the ever-present trail of shit particles that trails behind me, pushed outward by the solar winds. Also, demonstrating team leadership skills by displaying my perspiratory prowess in the underarm and lower back regions; likely caused by my intense tidal forces.
Senior Retrovirus
Your Vital Systems
_______________'s Experience
Senior Retrovirus
Your Vital Systems
October 2007-Current
Professional retrovirus with several years of internal corporate take-over experience. Once moved from one host-company to another, my injected sequence of seditious take-over activities include:
- suggesting that everything done prior to my arrival was stupid and trivial
- recommending the immediate replacement of anything I didn't have my self-righteous fingers in
- submitting for review that any opinion or procedure that did not originate from me, is not valid
- using a self-feeding firestorm of words to emphatically drown out other ideas, leaving the air so dense with my thoughts that others aren't likely to survive
- Asexually reproducing by systematically forcing out current employees with my never-ending word-storms, and then replacing them with all my friends and colleagues.
Using the above techniques, I'm quite competent at bludgeoning a healthy working host company's systems and replacing them with my own pompous systems.
Timeless and Ageless Ethereal Being
This Realm and All Others Beyond It
___________'s Experience
Timeless and Ageless Ethereal Being
This Realm and All Others Beyond It
NaN-Current
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.
I also have advanced HTML skills and have evolved beyond giving any shits about pay, benefits or working-conditions.
Unfrozen Caveman Salesperson
Shitty Used Car Rape Lot
________________'s Experience
Unfrozen Caveman Salesperson
Shitty Used Car Rape Lot
September 1993-Current
Me sell stuff. You want stuff? Want stuff or no want stuff, I stay till you buy stuff. No understand anything. No need to. Me sell. Me sell and smash. SELL AND SMASH!
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