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Friday, November 25, 2011

Deconstructing Idiotic Infographics

Today's Specimen

If "HUH" is the modern hipster equivalent of "Jesus Christ, are you serious? Oh, you are? Wow. Just wow.", then yeah, I suppose I'd agree with you. But for the sake of argument, let me see if I fully understand the poorly illustrated syllogism you've laid out:

Major Premise: Amassing in any space you can legally get to falls under first amendment protection

Minor Premise: Occupy groups are amassing in a place they could get to

Conclusion: All Occupy...occupations...are protected by the the US constitution

If I may, allow me to deconstruct your invalid claim through through the application of the following images:

This gathering in a space designed for gathering is fully legal. This gathering in a space designed for gathering is not legal in any way, shape or form.

Using the original image provided, allow me to explain it further, since the Occupy people are likely to be missing the distinction. The Twilight Breaking Dawn camp, are coalescing there because they're attempting to use the publicly accessible, but still private, space to engage in consumerism, as the place that owns that location would very much enjoy them doing. This is super legal. You feckless Occupy people amassing in the very same location, for the express purpose of being there, and participating in absolutely zero acts of consumerism, are south of legal. The mall didn't build you that space so you could river dance and play hacky sack in it.

In very much the same way that your home is owned and controlled by you (assuming any of you Occupy people even have homes), and is open to the idea of having welcomed guests over. And yet, if a bunch of strangers tried to come in without your consent, that crosses the line into what we call home invasion.

You don't want strangers in your privately owned living room, and, luckily for you, no one is attempting to occupy your home. Similarly, these privately owned businesses and city-owned areas don't want a bunch of dickheads there either, so you all need to jog on. Private property is private property; you can't have it both ways.

The sad part is that because the interwebs are full of half-wits and hipsters, your shitilly prepared infographic may be construed as accurate, simply because you spent time making it.
Wow, he sure did spend time planning out and making that illustration for me. I shall equate his skills with Photoshop to his skills at understanding the real world, and appeal to his clearly superior levels of knowledge.

Want that fancy new car, but can't afford it? Occupy it.

Want to sex up that lady, but she is disgusted by you? Occupy her vagina.

God bless you first amendment.

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