Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Silly Corgi...

Get down from there! You lack both the opposable digits and hind legs long enough to operate the controls of a Sopwith Camel. You're unlikely to land safely, let alone score any aerial kills!

Get off antique national television! Bob has told you several times that you make probably the poorest Cliff Hangers mountain! You're ruining the game for Mr. Chattsworth!

Stop ruining this Dali painting! Despite replacing your legs with stalks, you're not even remotely surrealist! You look ridiculous in the medium of oil paint!

Put Bill Corgan's guitar down! I don't care that you spent over $100 on that white suit, and have been writing several angsty songs; you'll never fool anyone into thinking you play for The Smashing Pumpkins!

Stop faking your Hollywood credibility! You never, in any cinematic capacity, played Mr. Orange from Reservoir Dogs! Stop getting orange hair all over my nice business suits!

Get out of that Vostok spacecraft! You're wholly ill-suited to represent the Soviet Union, let alone the entire human race in the first endeavor into space! God help us if you peed in that expensive pressure suit!

Stop horsing around with that low-bypass turbojet engine! You are possibly the worst AGM-28 missile I've ever seen! I doubt you could avoid any defense radar, let alone deliver a warhead of ANY size!

Get down off the rear of that fire truck! You're woefully untrained in any form of driving, or inner-city navigation! Leaping Larry's Electronics is burning down right now, and you don't even care!

Get off the damn battlefield! Regardless of how many pieces of armament to affix to yourself, you'll never be a tank! How you managed to fool those helpless, tiny soldiers of your battlefield prowess is beyond me!

Take off that unlicensed proton accelerator pack! You're not now, nor will you ever be, Dr. Ray Stanz! If someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!

Corgis are fucking silly looking. That's all there is to it.

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