Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Monday, May 23, 2011

Industry Standard Reliablity Tests

"yes sir, this is a very fine automobile you have shown me, but one last question: can your doors support the force of an aged Guido masturbating furiously on top of them while fully extended? This is a deal breaker for me."

Although not filmed, Larry Roesch VW also performed these other crucial and accepted tests off-camera:
  • Panel Dent Test: Sales team climbed up a step-ladder and used their engorged penis' to physically smack the roof panel
    • Result: Only 3 shallow dents.
  • Water-tightness Test: They urinated into the partially open glove box and then quickly closed it. Then waited to see how long before glove box was devoid of urine.
    • Result: Took 4.2 minutes to fully drain. Urine smell remains.
  • Paint Durability Test: The salesman dry humped the front bumper / hood for a minimum of 45 minutes and see if friction / excretions eat through the paint coating.
    • Result: Minor clearcoat damage on front bumper. Attempting to repair now.
  • Fabric Stain Test: One junior member of staff climbed into the GTI's hatch, while two other member repeatedly kicked him in the dick until he started bleeding out of his orifices, onto the OEM cloth interior to see how much staining resulted.
    • Result: Blood stains absorbed, but easily concealed by the black carpet.
Try that with your Honda or Toyota!

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