Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Goat!

Well, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone got to her...

Police say an Alum Creek man high on bath salts killed his neighbor's pygmy goat and that neighbors found him in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties, next to the dead animal...

...Police got a search warrant for the house, and searched the woods for Thompson. They found him several hours later. Thompson allegedly told police he was on bath salts for about three days.

When police entered the house they found fresh blood near the front door of the bedroom and in Thompson's bedroom to the right of the front door. Inside the bedroom police found the small gray and white goat wearing a pink collar lying dead on the floor, blood coming from its neck, according to the complaint. There was a pornographic magazine photo laying a few feet from the goat, the complaint states.


You can't have anything nice in this world without some jealous, irrational demon high on bathing salts taking it upon themselves to steal it from you. I remember fondly when I got little Bailey; oh the fun times we'd have in the front yard. All grass was good grass when Bailey and I shared it, but alas, all good things come to an end.

Still, in these sad times, I find myself wondering if there was anything I could have done differently. Surely something I could have done would have prevented Bailey's death at the hands of that perverted salt-fiend. Maybe I should have paid more attention to her. Maybe I should have provided a more secure shelter for her. Maybe I should've stuck with the more traditional goat coat:

Instead of the custom attire I adorned her with, which may have served to induce her lust-inspired demise:

As indicated by the police photo, not even our backyard riddled with bees was enough to thwart the fate that awaited Bailey at the hands of that disgusting man with his bee-sting peppered face and insatiable lust. No amount of second-guessing will bring Bailey back though. She will be dearly missed by the entire neighborhood that enjoyed her playful nature and Marilyn Monroe impressions.

May Heaven be a place always full of tin cans, shoe laces, weeds, small rocks, extension cords, plastic wrappers, used Kleenexes, shampoo bottles, glass shards and all your other favorite foods, Bailey.

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