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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Coin Traders

Welcome back to Coin Traders!

I know a lot of you out there have heard a lot of rumors flying around about our new exciting batch of limited production series of gold coins entitled "Immortalized American Values". Do they really cure brain tumors? Are they potentially haunted by the spirits of the dead seeking retribution?

We here at Coin Traders aren't ones to give away such speculative and exciting secrets, but you won't have to wait long to find out for yourself!

That's right! The coins are ready for purchase! For the first time ever you can now view and add these beauties to your collection!

A Helping Hand 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
You're an American through and through. You love Lady Liberty and you bleed red, white and blue. As an American, you're all about efficiency and getting your work done in the most speedy and pretentious way possible. What better way to be both efficient and pompous at the same then to have a machine walk for you? With this beautiful coin we celebrate the invention of such devices as Segways, escalators, and life support machines by depicting the American way to take a baby for a stroll. Why walk when a machine can do it for you? Climb stairs? No time for that. Breathe on my own? No thanks. Celebrate your world class efficiency with this highly collectable coin. 547-862 $175.95
The Melting Pot 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
America is a place where people of any creed or color can come and help diversify our glorious country. "Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free...", but just not the brown ones. No, not the brown ones. Everyone knows those camel-jockey are all terrorists that would rather run into your house with homemade explosives tied to their chest, than talk to you. That's why they all live in dirt huts instead of sophisticated 3-story homes in gated-communities like us civilized people. This coin depicts your run-of-the-mill sand dweller living in America plotting your families death. This coin is to remind you that all could be taken away in a split second if you let your guard down. Be ever vigilant and ever intolerant America. 588-935 $155.95
American Innovation 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
Who better to represent American innovation and dedication then Henry Ford? No one. If it wasn't for Mr. Ford's Taurus, how would obese trailer families ever make their way from garage sale to garage sale on the weekends? And if it wasn't for the ingenuity that went into the F-series pickup truck, however could we drive while displaying a gun rack, AND still have a place to throw our empty beer cans? We salute you Henry Ford. Without your foresight and revolutionary business practices we never would have had the ability to to treat the American worker as nothing more to a cog in the wheel, and then fire him from that position and outsource his job to another country for less money. Every time a Indonesian worker builds another shitty American car, a bald eagle lands on a waving American flag and helps make this country great. 568-984 $175.95
Pursuit of Happiness 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness. Our nation was founded on that principle, so celebrate that fact with this beautiful coin. Portrayed on this coin, is Mr. Fluffins a lovable cat. They say that animals look like their owners, and we find that to be very true in this case. Mr. Fluffins is seen doing what his owner, and most Americans love to do with their free time...sitting down, drinking a beer, touching his genitals, and mostly just not moving. Celebrate Americas most beloved pastime with the lovable and heart-disease riddled Mr. Fluffins on this wonderful new coin! 574-472 $175.95
Shining Beacon of Truth 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
Our country stands as a beacon of truth and freedom for all those that are abroad. As a nation we should thank the one true God (ours) everyday that we had a leader that could so articulately and properly represent what everyone else in the world was missing. For having the courage and stamina to be all that is American at all times, George W. Bush is given his proper place in history on this luxurious coin. Many other presidents have been featured on United States tender, but how many of them have served two terms as such? No one knows for sure, but GWB must be at least twice as good of a president as the ones that only served for one term. "Leadership to me means duty, honor, country. It means character, and it means listening from time to time." -GWB . Amen. 588-485 $155.95
Courage Under Fire 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
Who doesn't remember when the World Trade Centers were destroyed by the terrorists. And who could forget how all the brave firefighters risked their lives to help save as many people as possible from the burning buildings. But most importantly, let us never forget how even during that traumatic time,firefighters still found the time to make the FDNY Hunks calendars. Yes, even during this life shattering time for us, we still mustered enough hope and courage together to flip that shit into a money-making operation to glorify the hottest of life savers. Let this coin with a hunky fireman and American Eagle swooping down on it remind us all to pray everyday that we may never again go through what America puts so many other people through on a daily basis. And remember, true courage is even more true if you look exceptionally sexy while doing it. God bless America. 588-935 $255.95
Equal Opportunity 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
America is a place where everyone gets what they deserve. If you work hard your whole life, you'll achieve much and leave behind a lasting legacy that your family will be proud of. It doesn't matter what race, or gender you are, or where you come from, anyone can succeed in America. No one exemplifies this better then Snooki. Even if you have no marketable skills, little to no intelligence, no sense of self-respect or shame you can make it big time here in America. It brings a tear to my eye thinking about how this lady started off with nothing in life, but through a combination of dashing good looks and unnecessary TV exposure, managed to pick herself up by the blowjob after blowjob until they she was at the top. May she always remind us of this fact on this beautiful 14K gold coin. 564-597 $150.95
Sense of Civic Duty 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
Your gooey center will fill with civic pride when you own this one of a kind Simon Cowell Sense of Civic Duty 14K gold coin. As all Americans know, the most important duty one can fulfill as a citizen of this great country of ours is to, of course, be an American Idol vote caster. If you don't stand up and let your voice be heard about who's good enough to make more money then you could ever dream of, then who will? 66+ million American voters can't be wrong, which is far a greater turnout then ANY presidential election in history. Be a good citizen and show your civic pride with this beautiful coin that would be great in any coin collection. 587-872 $150.95
The Biggest and The Best 14K Gold Coin Item Number Coin Trader's Price
Like all of our All-American heroes thus far, this one has become quite a symbol of what it means to be a true American. Yes, fat twins on motorcycles grace the face of this coin and show the iron-will of America. Even when we know something may be dangerous to us, we withhold our judgment and do it anyway; that's called taking one for the team. Any true American would step up to the plate and gladly gain 50, 100, 400 pounds if Uncle Sam needed them to, and we do, on a daily basis. Few countries have the will power to stick to such a regiment of building layer after layer of glorious, jiggly freedom around their midsections, but we in America can do it without batting an eye. We're the biggest. We're the best. And if we could roll out of bed to tell you in person, you'd see how proud we are of it. 589-864 $185.95

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