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Friday, April 1, 2011

Unnecessary Social Convention: Hair Cuts

One of my least favorite of all the social conventions is one that takes place if you're a male that works in an office setting. It's something that's thrust upon you as a result of people who are forced to work with you attempting to feign some common ground between your lives.

What I speak of is the post-haircut question: "did you get a haircut?"

As far as feigning interest in someone's life, bonding over hair maintenance is about as low as it gets. It's so common and banal that it doesn't even serve as a common ground between people. Might as well bond over pissing, or putting a shirt on every morning.

The following is a short list of responses I've been forced to use in order to point out the stupidity of the question:
  • No, I did not. My hair just grew back into my head because I have a weird Benjamin Button disease. Thanks for pointing it out and making me self conscious.
  • I don't think so.
    *run fingers through my hair*
    Where did my damn hair go!
  • I just started chemotherapy, but thanks for your continued interest in my life.
  • I was raped last night. But instead of my sex, they just held me down and forcibly took my hair. Please don't mention it again.
What's going on there? Did you get pregnant?

Hey, are your legs not working?

You look different. Are you on fire?

Hey, does your alpaca have wheels for its hind legs?

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