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Sunday, April 17, 2011

Haters Gonna Hate Play Date

As many of you may have been able to glean from this this blog, I fancy myself quite the hater. Women, children, tards, minorities, people with possessions, people without possessions, people that are clearly having fun, people that are clearly pissed off: it matters little. If I see them, I'll hate on them.

However, for every one of me, there are at least twelve people that just don't give a fuck. These people let their freak-flag fly, and let the haters hate. Luckily, I've recently become aware of a special meeting of a few of these like-minded hater-impervious creatures. This meeting took place just outside Bakersfield, California, and I was lucky enough to capture some images and information about just what took place there.

First to arrive was African entrepreneur Tiny Coleman, fresh from his local village where he
is the subject of much hate due to his success despite his impoverished surroundings.
Sources indicate that he also doesn't require the eye-patch that he's often seen wearing.
He just likes it, and doesn't give two turtle shits what you think.

Shortly after Tiny Coleman, Strutty The Eagle made an appearance at the event.
Often criticized by his peers for refusing to fly, instead favoring a patented swagger.
Evolutionary purpose and expected behavior be damned, Strutty simply doesn't care.

Early in the evening, the hate-immune crowd was joined by a face familiar to all
of them. Father Faggy O'Malley blessed the growing crowd and entertained them
with his colorful interpretive dances. O'Malley is famous amongst haters for being
an openly homosexual priest, who, like a trooper, takes the molestation charges
and keeps on hopping and twirling; and dancing too.

Arriving next was a relative new-comer to the scene, Gobbler the street-walking Evangelical turkey.
Despite local wildlife ordinances and numerous capture attempts by Animal Control, Gobbler
remains steadfast in his conviction to strut around doing his "Jesus on the cross" impression.

Not long after Gobbler, intelligence reported that Popcorn the Nazi cat showed up as well.
No amount of public pressure or appeals to reason are enough to shake Popcorn
from his Nazi beliefs. During the entire event he was witnessed goosestepping
around completely unphased by social conventions.

Next to arrive was the hate-agnostic poster child little Bobby Rasmusen. Does Bobby
care that he's wearing a Pokeman shirt, coupled with sweatpants meant for
someone three times his size? He sure as fuck doesn't. And to show
the haters how little he thinks of them, he even pissed his pants
just for that added bit of fuel for the hate game.

The crowd went silent as the grand daddy of the hate-impervious scene, and Flavor Flav impersonator
Sunny Meatdark and his pocket dog Clitoris arrived. Well known for his propensity towards dressing up
as his modern interpretation of Uncle Sam, and walking Clitoris, whom is often smoking a cigar.
Neither public appearance nor cries from the ASPCA have stopped Sunny in over twenty years.

Next to arrive was little Chester Ruggey. Babies aren't supposed to smoke, you say?
You can go to Jolly Pirate Donuts and take a two hour shit for all
Chester cares.

In every group, there's always the one-upper; the person that tries
a little too hard to out-do everyone else. In this group, the next attendee was
that person. Despite his extremely annoying personality, Simon the gay rollerblading Batman
didn't let the fact that no one can stand him factor into his decision to attend the meeting.

Guest speaker Nickels the chimpanzee with bulbous testicles was the next
to arrive. Surprising the whole group, Nickels forwent the speech and just laid
on stage flicking his cock and twiddling his balls. Truly an inspirational
"I don't care what you think" demonstration for everyone to witness.

Flying in from overseas, Asian man in full-body sleeping bag showed up after most everyone else.
All day, everyday, he's dresses like this. Doesn't matter how stupid
or impractical it is, he's content meandering around in his large, black condom.

Lastly, guess of honor Fucky the pug showed up to give the yearly speech
at the meeting. Christmas or not, Fucky wears wreathes around his feet and
a large knitted Christmas tree around his head. One shit, two shits, three shits
or more, Fucky doesn't give any of those about your opinion or anger towards him.

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