Breaking Tsunami News

In a shocking news report from the "Who Would Have Fucking Guessed News Network", it's reported that Easter Island will get hit with the tsunami from the recent earthquake off the Japanese coast. This is shocking news, because everything in the Pacific Ocean was effected by this event, and after a brief study of world geography, it turns out Easter Island is IN the Pacific Ocean.

For live coverage of this impending, possibly catastrophic, event to the island and its 36 inhabitants, we now go live to Easter Island correspondent Giant Stone Head.

Thanks for that gripping report, Giant.

Officials fear that rescue efforts for the island may be slow and difficult to undertake, due to the problem they're calling "those people chose to live in one of the remotest places on Earth; tough titties".

No word yet on how this approaching wave will effect the island's contribution to the world's supply of "absolutely nothing", but we're speculating that international prices of "interesting video game backdrops" will sharply rise as Easter Island is ravaged. Stay tuned for more news on this event as it becomes available.