Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

CNN: Totally Legit

Breaking News

Japan Death Toll

4000 more bodies were discovered in Japan today, bringing the total to.....we interrupt this story to bring you a shocking hole-in-plane discovery...

Suspected Bullet Hole In Airliner

Shocking news today as airline officials have spotted a hole in the fuselage of a commercial aircraft. Sources indicate that this hole could potentially be from a bullet. So far, this hole has contributed to exactly zero deaths, and it's estimated that multiples of that number are to be expected when all is said and done.

The State Department and US military are looking into rumors that the hole is somehow Gaddafi related. President Obama has set all US military aircraft that aren't already bombing the Libya on alert to cover all eventualities.

We'll be sure to stick with the non-moving plane and un-changing hole as this story develops.

Missing NYC Cobra

More on the continuing cobra loose in NYC story we brought you earlier: officials still don't know where the snake is, and warn that it could kill anyone in NYC that it wants to. On the lighter side of news, it's fictitious Twitter account now has almost 100,000 followers.

The cobra went missing from the Bronx Zoo on Saturday. Zoo officials cite being stared at by sleeveless New Yorkers day in and day out as the primary cause  of the snakes disappearance.

Hole in Plane Update

Terrifying update: scientists and local police now believe that the cobra has now gone INTO the hole in the parked plane. We can only imagine the untold horrors that could be taking place in that plane riddled with holes and cobras.

For more first-hand information on the untold horrors taking place on that plane, we go live to our reporter in the field:

Middle Earth Conflicts

CNN now returns you to live coverage of Operation Whack-A-Mole: the US occupation of both the Middle East and Africa, collectively now referred to as Middle Earth.

1 comment:

  1. UPDATE: An update has been posted on the Qaddafi viper airline bullet mega-event. The bullet hole has still not killed or harmed anyone in anyway. We will continue to monitor its inaction as this hole is considered dangerous and mentally unstable and may kill thousands at any time.