Insane Terry's Furniture And Cell Phone Trough

I'M INSANE TERRY AND I INVITE YOU ON DOWN TO INSANE TERRY'S FURNITURE AND CELL PHONE TROUGH THIS WEEKEND FOR OUR BI-ANNUAL FULL-MOON INSANITY SALE!

WE WON'T BE UNDERSOLD THIS TIME! I KNOW I PROMISED YOU THAT LAST TIME, BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT GREG HAS BEEN FIRED, AND THIS TIME WE MEAN BUSINESS!

WANT AN IPHONE? WANT A LIVING ROOM SET? WANT A TRY YOUR ASS ON OUR LARGE STOCK OF COUCHES WHILE BEING AMUSED BY THE SILLY ANTICS OF THE TRAINED CIRCUS MONKEYS WE RENTED? WITH PRICES THIS LOW AND WITH THREE AVAILABLE COLORS, YOU'D BE STUPID TO NOT TO!

WE HAVE THE LOWEST PRICES YOU'LL EVER SEE ON NAME BRAND FURNITURE AND CELL PHONES!

YOU MAY ASK "HEY, INSANE TERRY, HOW DO YOU GET SUCH ROCK BOTTOM PRICES?", AND "HEY, INSANE TERRY, WAS THAT A CHICKEN I SAW OVER BY THE OTTOMANS?"

SIMPLE! WE BUY DIRECT FROM THE FACTORY SO AS TO SECURE THE LOWEST PRICES FOR THE CONSUMER! AND YES, THAT WAS A CHICKEN! THAT'S PART OF TERRY'S PROMISE OF LOW PRICES TO YOU! BY RENTING OUT PART OF THE UNUSED STORE SPACE AS A DAY CARE AND CHICKEN FARM, WE CAN PASS THE RENT SAVINGS ON TO YOU!

YOU SIMPLY CANNOT PASS UP THESE INSANE PRICES! INSANE TERRY DOESN'T EMPLOY CONVICTS AND UNDERAGE CHILDREN FOR HIS HEALTH, FOLKS! HE DOES IT BECAUSE HE'S SERIOUS ABOUT BRINGING YOU THE LARGEST STOCK OF THE MOST ADEQUATE FURNITURE AND CELL PHONES AT THE LOWEST PRICE IN NORTH AMERICA!

AND DON'T FORGET, ALL FURNITURE AND PHONES FROM TERRY'S COME WITH TERRY'S UNCONDITIONAL SATISFACTION GUARANTEE AND SAME DAY DELIVERY! IF YOUR FURNITURE ISN'T THE MOST COMFORTABLE RECYCLED ASBESTOS AND ALPACA SHAVING BASED FURNITURE YOU'VE EVER OWNED, OR IF YOUR PHONE'S LEAD CONTENT CAUSES HEARING PROBLEMS OR KIDNEY MALFUNCTION, SIMPLY RETURN THEM FOR THE FULL PURCHASE PRICE!

AND IF ONE OF OUR EMPLOYEES THREATENS YOU WITH VIOLENCE, OR FOLLOWS YOU HOME AND COMMITS HOME INVASION, GOOD OL' TERRY WILL GIVE YOU A FREE RECLINER!