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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Conspiracy or Mental Retardation?

Let me preface this by saying I appreciate a good conspiracy theory. Always so full of interesting research and the hope that you can lord some unknown knowledge over the masses. Sometimes, though, there's a fine line between your 'conspiracy' story and the fact that your brain isn't fully developed.

In my various internet travels, I stumbled across the following article:


I'm not entirely convinced that it's a legitimate theory, as opposed to some elaborate satire piece; but for the sake of this article we'll go with the former.

This world-changing piece of investigative journalism was shat out and copied to the internet by author Zikzak. Thanks to the effects of leaving fetal alcohol syndrome untreated for so many years, we now know the shocking truth: There was no bombing with nuclear weapons at the end of World War II. In fact, one could surmise that there's no nuclear weapons at all.

I would like to commend Zikzak for having the balls to scour the world in search of answers. And upon finding those answers, having the intestinal fortitude to shit all over them.

While I respect Zikzak's right to be 124% full of shit, on a scale of 1-50%. I must state, for the record, that he is perhaps the biggest mongoloid turd-bucket of a Grade A moron on the face of the planet.

Just for shits and giggles I'm going to analyze the wonderfully short-bussed theory he has 'concrete' proof for.
By Summer of 1945 it had become apparent to Harry S. Truman and the rest of the US military leadership that they were not going to be able to defeat Japan the same way they crushed Germany. For starters, the Russians weren't very interested in helping them this time around.
Yes, Russia had no interest. Completely true. Oh wait, except for when Russia invaded Japanese controlled cities in Operation August Storm in 1945. So except for Russia invading parts of Japan, they had absolutely no interest in attacking Japan.
Over on the other side of the battle line, Emperor Hirohito was getting a might bit sick of the war. The way he saw it, Japan's future would be better served by focusing on the rapidly developing field of  consumer electronics than it would by dominating the  Asian Pacific militarily.
Seems plausable. Except for the fact that in 1945 television was barely off the ground in the US leaving radio to be the only real consumer electronic readily  available to the public. Radios being the only choice for most consumers, were already in most homes, thus leaving no reason for there to be a sudden interest in everyone buying Japanese radios. Not to mention the little war that had ravaged Japan's industry, thus setting back any development of electronics that could even be remotely available anytime soon.
Under the influence of stiff cocktails, they invented a preposterous scientific theory involving splitting invisible particles in such a way that the resultant explosion was thousands of times more powerful than TNT. Then they would tell the world of 2 bombs being loaded with these invisible particles and then dropped on Japanese cities, completely"destroying" them in the process. As a final touch they named the project after the Manhattans they were drinking.
That's right. HIROHITO AND TRUMAN INVENTED ATOMIC ENERGY. No ifs ands or buts. All the study and experimentation that had been done in atomic energy starting with Einstein in the early 1900s, and Oppenheimer in the 30s and 40s, was complete bullshit. They didn't do anything. Hirohito and Truman off the top of their heads, while drunk mind you, invented the greatest advance in energy production in the world.

Hirohito:  "I was thinking. What if there were tiny particles that could create all the worlds energy."
Truman: "I'm listening"
Hirohito: "No, No. Never mind. Forget I said anything. It's a crazy idea."
Truman: "No. Go on, Hirohito. I think you may be onto something."
Hirohito: "Well, since no one has thought of this before us. No one. How about we invent this magical energy. And then we can use it to destroy my cities. And then we can create a fake cold war for the next 40 years with the Russians who will never catch on that this whole nuclear weapon/energy idea is completely fake and created by us."
Truman: "This is why I love you Hirohito."

It's all making sense now.

In the picture above you see a destroyed factory, ostensibly located in Hiroshima and destroyed by an "Atom" bomb if we are to believe the photographer. However, utilizing highly specialized photographic analysis software previously only available to the CIA, we have discovered that this photo was not taken in Japan at all. The enlarged detail below reveals it to be set in a city on the opposite side of the Pacific:
....If only....maybe....oh wait! I got it!

Nice try you fuck-nozzle.
When we further investigate the Hollywood connection other irregularities start to crop up. As we all know from our history classes, the pilot of the plane Enola Gay was a man named Paul Warfield Tibbets, Jr. According to his biography, Tibbets was an Air Force man and a pilot through and through. Surely a man such as this would have no connections with the myth-making in Hollywood, right? Wrong. As we can plainly see from the Internet Movie Database, Paul Tibbets is in fact a longtime Hollywood insider. Pilot? No, but he plays one in Government hoaxes!
Using my super powers of searching IMDB.com, I found someone with the same name, who was in Hollywood! What a conspiracy! No two people can have the same name at the same time! Concrete proof at last! I'm a genius!
Several years ago a group of Japanese school children from Tokyo were on a field trip in Osaka visiting some of the many national treasures that city holds. At one point a few of them became separated from their group and wandered into a little-used basement portion of the building they were in. Behind a mysteriously unlocked door they discovered the smoking gun: They found one of the scale models that was used to create the fake devastation photos.

That clearly ISN'T a model of the building for use in a museum. Like the museum that the photo is clearly NOT taken in. No way. Ignore all that other memorabilia hanging on the walls....and all the tourists. That's a model used to fake the photos. I swear. I pinky swear.
while only a few hundred miles away two other "countries" are hovering on the brink of yet another "nuclear holocaust", supposedly because they disagree on a chunk of mountainous terrain named after a Led Zeppelin song.
Yes, that Kashmir mountains were named after a Led Zeppelin song. The mountains defiantly weren't named before that song came out in the 70s. Hit the nail right on the head with that on.
Knowing of past deception is not enough.
 No. We have to know it. Then distort it. Then cover it in Zikzak's shit, which is made up of more of his own shit, that he ate, and this shit back out with other shit, all over some Enola Gay book that he found. Enola Gay? Who would name an airplane that? That screams conspiracy to me.

Now that you all know the truth. There's only one thing to do. Write your congressmen....and demand Zikzak's death. I'm sure the government can round up some cruise missiles to destroy this terrorist of brian-cells.

100% Zikzak

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