Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Monday, February 21, 2011

Fuck Pirates

But not Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush, because they're hilarious and zany.

No, I speak my words of swear towards real pirates; Somalian pirates.

I don't even so much resent the fact that pirates are still around (I mean, but really. Come on), more that pirating is still viewed as a viable career choice for people in Somalia in the year 2011.

This is the most recent case, the S/V Quest:

I don't blame the pirates for taking this ship. Fuck; for millions in ransom, who wouldn't. No, I blame all the owners / operators of all ships that get taken by Somalian pirates. They're the ones that are perpetuating the notion that being a pirate is a legitimate way of making money. Allow me to explain with a visual:

As a sailor, then, clearly your ideal route would be the following:

You, sir, are a rate "A" ocean-going, fully qualified jackass.
(friend of sailors) said (male sailor) had told him several weeks ago that he was concerned about pirate activity in the area, which he had never visited before, but was determined to traverse the world himself as opposed to shipping the boat -- as some other yacht owners have done.
Let us know how that plan worked out, since you're so determined to rough it on your own as opposed to relying on the collective wisdom of others.

Your ship costs what? 1...2 million dollars? A .50 caliber Browning machine gun costs what? 6-10 thousand dollars? Anyone that sails the world's oceans for the better part of decade on their own ship, should be able to do the math.



Nothing like a few 1/2" bullets, or an out of control AN-12 cargo plane, to facilitate the crapping of several pairs of fine Somalian khaki pants. Apply the 1/2" bullets (or rampaging cargo planes) liberally to any boats full of Africans you see coming your way.

Also, fly this flag instead of the colors of any specific nationality:

No comments:

Post a Comment