Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Obligatory Movie Disclaimer

*Slow text fade in*
Based on a true story
*Slow text fade out*

*Pause to think*
What the fuck isn't?
*Continue ignorant movie bliss*

I love that this disclaimer has become the hallmark of film legitimacy.

"What's this now?"

"That's just fucking stupid. Why would anyone want to see a movie with ignorant southerners teaming up with raptors? The tenuous writing and acting skills one has to have in order to be associated with such a project aside, why would anyone find that remotely believable?"

"Oh. My. Fuck. Excuse me, sir, where can I pre-order tickets for this movie?! I need to reserve a spot in my life for it's arrival!"

Ranging from a small amount, to a full-blown documentary, literally every film is based on a true story to some degree. 'Based on a true story' films are not a pedigree that are somehow:
  • Better written
  • More closely related to your life
  • Less stylized
  • Less prone to be total bullshit
Below is a list of films you have heard of that are also based on a true story.

MovieHow it's based on a true events
There are literally hundreds of birthdays every single year in New York City. Occasionally, Amy Winhouse flys in to attend one, and the city panics as the beast descends upon it.

Several scientists in the past, as well as currently, have been fascinated by dinosaurs. Additionally, Jeff Goldblum is pompous and annoying, while Wayne Knight gets spit on a lot.

1)Crazy people attempt communication with aliens (mostly in church)
2) The military is 98% ineffective but it doesn't stop them from trying
3) Jeff Goldblum is still pompous and annoying
There have been several African American astronauts. It's also a sad fact that Sam Neill often freaks out all his dinner guests as he usually dresses as a hell demon from the other side of a black hole

Aliens are most certainly drawn to areas filled with both water and corn

High schools are a hotbed of both resistance fighting and violence with firearms.
Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis has been propped up and operated via cables / pulleys postmortem for at least ten years

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