Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Thursday, February 17, 2011


What in the name of the queen and Continental Congress is going on in men's bathrooms nowadays?

Like a normal male human being, I primarily go in to take a sweet, sweet piss. But it seems others go in for something far more sinister. Which brings me to my primary question:

Which of you fucks are leaving piles in pubes in the urinals like some wookie-esque urban Johnny Appleseed?!

Even wookies have the damn common courtesy to contain their junk hair, you savages.

As a corollary question: how the hell are large quantities of your damn pubes springing forth from your crotch? It's like a sick game of Perfection, except instead of eye-puncturing plastic shards we have curly pubes, and instead of the opportunity to win, everyone can only lose.

Like a pube jack-in-the-box, I imagine some business man comes into the bathroom, unzips his pants and reveals what could only be described as a Hasidic Jew from his fly

I hate to break it to you, but your pubes are under a medically unhealthy amount of compression tension if they burst forth when you open your pants. Seek medical attention...or a barber...or both.

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