Let Me Tell You About A Porcupines Balls

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Food Makes Me Fat

Food is so tasty, no question about that. What is in question is the amount of degradation in both attractiveness and physical well-being that occurs when I, invariably, shovel way too much in. I call the transformation that occurs from this Jeremy Clarkson Syndrome; or simply JCS, which can be easily illustrated here:

Characterized cheifly by the following symptoms:
  • Bloated, distended, sun-burnt gut
  • Feeling like death inside
Wal-Mart shopper appearance and smushing of all other internal organs aside, the torso-development isn't entirely negative. Allow me to illustrate with an image enhancement sequence.

 If we enhance the last frame using all the greatest CSI technology available to modern-man, the following becomes revealed:

The otherwise disgusting protrusion is easily revealed to contain a rainforest-esque ecosystem. Due to the large size and associated gravitational pull, a warm and rainy climate develops around the belly. This, in turn, supports the life cycles of a large swath of colorful forest creatures.

The upper emergent layer, clearly visible with the tree-tops, supports many colorfully and vocally loud birds. The juicy canopy layer is perfect for a whole host of tree-frogs and (not visible) sloths. The delicate understory provides shelter for various fluffy primates that live off the grubs and fruits found in the lower layers.

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