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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Gaddafi: Don't Hate The Player

It's come to my attention that recently, Libyan leader and original member of 2 Live Crew, Muammar al-Gaddafi has been catching a lot of press heat because of his bodyguards...and some little mass-shooting too, I think.

The primary focus of the critics attention has been on the particular homogeneous nature of his guards; all 40 of whom are hand-picked female virgins. Collectively referred to as the Amazonian Guard, they're touted to be artists of both firearms as well as hand-to-hand combat. Their training is very secretive, and not much is known about his legion of fembots.

Through extensive investigative reporting, at the risk of possible bodily harm to both myself and my family/friends, I have learned the identity of several of the key members of his elite team, and what makes them so deadly.

 Using a trick he learned from the movie Weird Science, Gaddafi has animated and incorporated into his collective both his Amazon as well as his Assassin character builds from the Diablo II video game. It's rumored that his Amazon was a level 24, and that she adds +6 to Gaddafi's vitality; perhaps explaining his long reign.

Taking a page right out of Hollywood's playbook, Gaddafi has recruited Ming-Na, who played Chun Li in the live action Street Fighter movie. Seen below during one of the many secret daily affirmation ceremonies that help build the Amazonian Guard's morale:

I've even managed to sneak a video out of Libya of one the the extremely secret and grueling hand-to-hand fighting competitions inside Gaddafi's camp:

Recent reports have led to a fear in the west regarding Libya's current monopoly on Qigong Fist Technology

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